Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Of godhood, divinity and deity

Before you read further, this is a political rant. Just read an article by Gerald Giam (read here).

I will like to respond to that letter. (Un)fortunately I don't subscribe to lousy newspapers which people use to pick up dog poo. This satirical strategy-game advice I have written has this underlying statement:

"We make lousy gods. Stop playing one!"
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There are numerous PC games like 'Black and White' and Sims-series to keep your air-level godhead and godhood status satisfied. Bear in mind, your worshippers have a 'happiness index' too. As in the games, there are repercussions if you are a lousy god.

Anway, here is how not to bring your 'diety' status to an all-time low:
  1. Be wary of burnt offerings.
    You may consider it pure joy when people 'tithe' or bring offerings to you through taxes you have imposed. However a minority might be fanatical enough to decide that burnt offerings albeit human ones are the holiest.
    .
  2. Size does matter... with shoes.
    Being a lousy god, you might jumpstart a shoe fetish or craze among the public to own the largest and fattest size. Both American and Chinese gods have had no trouble reading labels and their respective sizes in close personal encounters of the flying types.
    .
  3. Use better priests.
    Wisecrack statements by your clerical mouthpieces like "...squandered opportunity for a higher degree of self-regulation", "I am so happy whenever I see my monthly CPF statements", "5-day week is to be more reproductive" to "lesser mortals" don't make you popular with your worshippers.

    You need an A-team to deliver best results. If the A-team fails, use foreign imports. It's cheaper anyway.
    .
  4. Do unto others as you would have others done unto you.
    Packing off your old, ex-worshippers into neighbouring countries will not only incur the wrath of your worshippers, it stirs righteous indignation among your neighbours. This hurts diplomatic ties big time. Not unless you want to get pk-ed and pwned.
    .
  5. Some LEEders don't know when to quit.
    You don't get many chances to restart in failed missions. So 'save' often and quit while you are ahead.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"If the A-team fails, use foreign imports. It's cheaper anyway."

Doesn't always work that way. We have foreign talents in parliament but they don't come cheap.

Somehow, things are done differently in the heavenly places.

Anonymous said...

i don't think you realized how close you are to the gospel truth than most of the divisive and adulterated main stream church teachings put together.

redbean said...

hi kaffein,

i just realise that when both of us spoke in tongue, we almost said the same thing.

by the way, burnt offerings have been made, all $58,000,000,000. not enough 0's? more will be burnt or already burnt, maybe another $1,000,000,000,000. but all these are easy to get if you go to chinatown. maybe $3 per packet.

cheers.

Anonymous said...

This is off-topic.

Seems something is wrong with the link to your blog from Singapore News Alternative.

Oh, oh, prepare for thunder and lightning from heaven...

Anonymous said...

Nice post Kaffein.
Fortunately this god that so many Sporeans worship has a grave waiting. And of course the die-hard worshippers will miss him the most.

Perhaps a new game to humour this god of no mercy aka god of wealth.
Play the game right, this god will bestow wealth, get it wrong and this god bankrupts you. Get it wrong too many times and this god will show no mercy. LOL